Your Children & Influences

(The following article was written by Pastor Mike Bidell as a summary of a Family Builders Desert Night we had here at CPC. Part of the vision of our church is encouraging and helping equip parents in their important role.)

Recently a number of parents from CPC and our community had the privilege of sharing some desserts together and hear Terry & Anne Lindberg speak on the subject of “Your Children & Influences”. Their sharing as well as the Question & Answer time were helpful and inspiring and the desserts definitely didn’t disappoint!

Have you ever wondered about what's wise to allow as influences for your children? Have you ever worried about sheltering your kids too much? Or exposing them to too much? Where do we draw the line? Ever wondered what to do when your child becomes friends with a negative influence?

All are great questions and were the reason we asked Terry and Anne to speak on this subject.
They took some time in the session to teach on some ways to help our children become wise and discerning about influences around them.

1. Teach discernment to yourself as a parent first
* “Monkey see, monkey do” - children helplessly follow the example of their parents
* It is very difficult to promote a standard for your children but live below it yourself. Your child will always see through this.
* Are there any influences you’re allowing into your life or home that you wouldn’t want influencing your children?
* Read what Ephesians 5.3-5 -- do you think God is a cosmic kill-joy, or does this scripture say what it does because he cares for us and wants the best for us?

2. Communicate! - from your heart and open to theirs
* Communication is always most effective when you have a sincere heart to heart connection with your child. Build a bridge to your child’s heart and protect the connection you have.
* Be ready to explain why your values lead you to decide why or why not they can watch or do certain things
* Be honest and share from your heart. Allow them to see and hear that your primary motive for them is LOVE. Also communicate that you trust them and believe the best about them and desire the best for them.
* Explain things in a way they understand. Take time to think about how you will help them see your point of view.
* Teach them the eventual outcomes and consequences of negative influences.
* Ask them how they feel and what they think. It is important for your child to feel you care about what they have to say and are open to hearing their heart.
* Read Psalm 101.3 & 1 Corinthians 6.12 – these are good passages from God’s word that help us decide and communicate what influences we allow.
* Keep communication lines open with your child. They need to know that if they have ANY questions or have done something wrong they can come talk with you. If you have established a heart connection with your child and they trust you they will communicate openly with you.

3. Focus on positive influences
* Invest time and energy into things that are good for your children and bring out the best in them
* Encourage close friendships with those who are a good influence and build your child up
* Teach your children to be ‘face-to-face’ social first and esteem it above social media (facebook, online chatting, etc)
* Encourage your children to love people – to be ‘others-centered’ rather than slipping easily into the trap of being self-centered
* What things would you say bring out the best in your children?
* How can you allow for more influence like that in their lives?

4. Limit media access
* Current studies are continuing to prove that the less time spent in front of the tv (video games, movies, time on internet, etc.) the better
* The more a child is exposed to television the less their attention span and less their IQ are while behavioural challenges increase
* Have you ever found it easy to allow the tv to become a ‘babysitter’?
* What could you do to encourage creativity in your child?

5. Monitor what’s going on
* Keep your tv and computers in common areas in the home. It’s not that you don’t trust your children, it’s is just a wise move.
* If you notice behavioural changes in your children begin to ask yourself if you have noticed any attitude changes in their life. What may have influenced an attitude change? Return to the place of heart-to-heart connection with your child and have an open conversation with them motivated by your LOVE for them.

Over time you want your child to become wise and discerning. You want to trust them and empower them to make the best choices for their lives.

May God continue to bless you as you raise your precious children with love for the glory of God!

Pastor Mike Bidell
-Family Builders Ministry of CPC